


Genghis Khan

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: F/F, Ineffible Wives, Jealous Crowley, Some Possessive Behavior, Some angst, Song fic, also Aziraphale is a lil shit, heaven and hell watch this all go down, like reality tv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-13 11:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20173258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Inspired by a conversation with FiveChildSlytherians Hope you don't mind its ineffable wivesCrowley is having a hell of a time getting Aziraphale to notice her affections. It doesn't help when humans keep interfering.Heaven and Hell, however, find the spectacle hilarious.Now complete in one chapter!





	Genghis Khan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FiveChildSlytherians](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=FiveChildSlytherians).

**I know there's no form**

**and no labels to put on**

It's been thousands of years since they met up on the wall. Years since spent dancing around each other, meeting at secret rendezvous, feeling her own heart beat a tad faster whenever they just happened to run into each other...

It's enough to make Crowley's head spin just thinking about it. There were some days when Aziraphale would deny her, claiming they were never friends and that they never could be. That she didn't even like Crowley in the first place and make Crowley wonder where she went wrong. Then other days, Aziraphale would call Crowley such sweet names, invite her exquisite new places for the century's newest delight, and give Crowley just another reason to wonder if this was love? This strange, joyous feeling she hadn't felt since she hung the stars?

What's maddening about the whole ordeal though is that she still couldn't put a name to it. Friend, even if she was the best one Crowley ever had, felt far to casual, and it made her skin crawl as the word forced from her mouth. Yet, words that fit on her tongue better like soulmate, dearest, her lovely Aziraphale...would never leave her tongue at this rate. No matter how much she wanted to lavish those words on Aziraphale.

All because it's so hard to gauge where exactly where she stood. It's something that made her scream just a little louder at her plants, crack up Queen just a tad louder, and drive just a little faster down the freeway. Anything to vent out this damn frustration that's been building up for millennia.

**To this thing we keep**

**And dip into when we need**

A part of Crowley knew this wasn't Aziraphale's fault. it had been Crowley's own bright idea to outline their relationship according to professional need. With all the animosity built up between Heaven and Hell, even a business relationship was flirting with danger much less a more personal one. It was better to keep their themselves closed off.

That's what Aziraphale does or at least tries to when she denied their relationship time and time again. It's an effort to feel more in line with what Heaven expects of her. Deny all evil, and chase virtue with everything she had.

But then, Aziraphale invited her out for oysters in Rome, shielded her from the rain at the beginning of the Earth, allowed her to partake in drunken rambling over sinfully delicious wine...  
Just enough for Crowley to think they were something, so that Aziraphale's latest rejection would sting like holy water.

Crowley tried to be reasonable, working through it with the knowledge that it was just a delusion. It was a false idea of holiness that self righteous jerks that claimed they were holy pounded into Aziraphale's head. Crowley should know; he'd been there. He took comfort in the fact that Aziraphale was smart. She'd realize her error soon enough and show her remorse.

Other times, Crowley's patience wore then and started loud arguments, ones that lead them off in their own anger fueled directions for years at time.

**And I don't have the right**

**To ask where you go at night**

Still, Crowley thought she deserved more respect than this. She'd spent years working her way through little shows of affection that felt like monumental leaps to her. She'd thought she'd laid her heart out when she'd offer Aziraphale to run to the stars but was greeted with the same no she should've expected. Duty came first with Aziraphale even in the face of the apocalypse. p>

And, that was fine. She didn't want to force her angel into anything.

**But the waves hit my head**

**To think someone's in your bed**

But then, a human had to waltz right into the store and act all coy, talking up Aziraphale with her ruby red lips and a twirl of her honey blond hair. Crowley lowered her sunglasses from her place on the couch, but the human paid no mind. She smiled on at Aziraphale, leaning against the couch and hitting Aziraphale with a blinding smile. She started talking up writers like Oscar Wilde like she knew them personally. As if.

But, the part that really hurt was that Aziraphale hung on every word. She chattered on and on with the woman, that same glowing look as she were bathed in holy light present on her face. The one Crowley swore was reserved for her and her alone.

It felt like a back stabbing to see this right before her eyes as if Aziraphale forgot she was there at all. Just looking at the woman's swaying hips and the roll of her shoulders when she sent Aziraphale an adoring look made Crowley disappear from existence.

As soon as Aziraphale rather reluctantly turned from the conversation to head to the back room though, Crowley stood up, squaring her shoulders beneath her leather jacket and standing tall with each stomp of her boots. As if she could be forgotten so easily.

**I get a little bit Genghis Khan **

**Don't want you to get it on **

**With nobody else but me. Oh**

**With nobody else me.**

The woman doesn't even give her the luxury of her attention, staring instead off where Aziraphale's tartan skirt swished with each moment of her hips. Crowley let out a low annoyed hiss. The woman blinked and then finally looked at her.

"I'm sorry. Do you work here?" The woman asked politely. "Because, I've already got someone helping me."

"No, I'm Mrs. Fell." The words slipped off of Crowley's tongue like acid, hoping to burn the woman. She took a great deal of satisfaction watching her blissful smile melt off her face.

"I didn't realize you two were married." She said as if that shielded her from any wrong. Crowley clinched her teeth.

"Well, she'sss mine. Sssso, leave." Crowley demanded, just enough of her snake nature taking form to give the woman an extra jump. She squeaked out an apology before bolting. By then, Aziraphale returned, an old book clutched between her hands as if it were her heart and soul.

Aziraphale sighed in relief. "Thank god, she's gone. I don't know how I would have persuaded her out of this book."

Crowley frowned at her as if she had gone mad. "Don't you think she wanted a bit more than a book?"

"No?" Aziraphale frowned back at her. "What more could she want than some of Oscar Wilde's best? She was rather keen on it."

A part of Crowley wanted to slap herself in that moment. Another part of her felt guilt, projecting her own jealousy onto Aziraphale as a pain she didn't have the nature to cause. But most of all, she felt relief.

Crowley just laughed, letting the immense feeling wash over her.

"Did you tell her something? She seemed in quite a bit of a hurry when I came back."

Crowley shook her head, though the smirk on her face probably gave her away.

"Oh, you wily serpent." Aziraphale scolded, even though her smile was warm and light. "I must thank you though. You've protected my books once again."

********************************************************************

Meanwhile in Heaven, a lower level angel watched this all go down on a projection cast over their desk. This particular angel was a rather vocal angel, assigned to the position of monitoring the traitors after the apocalypse for the sole reason that no on would miss a thing should the traitors come up with any tricks.

Instead, that particular angel gasped as the demon went about scaring off the pour human. This drew the attention of nearby angels, alerting them to their desk and demanding an update. When there was no immediate threat, the angel tasked with surveillance was scolded.

However, the angel charged with surveillance wasn't one to be taken so lightly and used a miracle to rewind the footage. The event played out again for a small group of curious angels.

"Oh, that poor angel. Denied such a beautiful human." One angel commented.

"But, look at the demon's face! She clearly loves that angel. The angel is just leading her on." Another angel commented. The two got into a small debate over the matter, practically taking over the desk around the projection for the matter.

The angel in charge of surveillance merely smiled, now that their outburst had been proven valid even as they had to rewind the projection again and again for the crowd growing around their desk.

**I get a little bit Genghis Khan.**

**Don't want you to get it on**

**With nobody else but me. Oh.**

**With nobody else but me.**

"What the hell are you all doing?" Gabriel snapped as he stood in front of a desk, watching a whole crowd of angels stare at the desk and arguing amongst themselves. The angels silenced almost immediately, staring at Gabriel in guilt.

"I'm pretty sure I only put Azrael in charge of surveillance." Gabriel said, looking at said angel. They gave a sheepish look. Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "Care to explain?"

In response, Azrael waved their hand. The projection disappeared and then reappeared where Gabriel had the best view. The crowd groaned, forgetting their scolding for a moment and repositioning themselves behind Gabriel to watch.

**And the lights, the glow**

**Like I just lost the World War**

Crowley thought the one woman would be the end of it. But then, a handsome fellow chose to walk into the store as if he owned the place. Broad shoulders, dark, almost black eyes, and a box stamped with the logo of Aziraphale's favorite bakery.

Crowley already hated him even before he started chatting up Aziraphale as if they were old buddies. Wanted to show this thanks, her ass. The way he looked at her told her everything about his intentions. Still, Aziraphale didn't seem to notice. She accepted the box from him graciously, pulling what turned out to be a crème puff and digging in with a look of pure heaven on her face.

That burned Crowley just a bit, but she expected that.

And, Crowley did expect crème to get on Aziraphale's face. However, she didn't expect Aziraphale to swipe the crème off her face and then give her fingertips a cheeky lick. Crowley could see the man's eyes widen slightly at the sight. Aziraphale shrugged it off with a chuckle. What a messy eater i am, she claimed, but Crowley was fuming nonetheless.

So when Aziraphale excused herself to the backroom to check something, Crowley struck. She felt her form melt away like butter and then resolidify into a new shape. She let out a warning hiss as she slithered across Aziraphale's tile floor, aiming for the man's feet.

Turns out the man didn't like snakes. Not one bit much to Crowley's delight.

*****************************************************************

"Aw, what a shame. Aziraphale might've done something well for once." Gabriel lamented. What a shame. The human had been cute...for a human full of flaws anyway.

"What?!" At least, six voices answered back, catching Gabriel by surprise.

"Crowley clearly loves her. Haven't you seen the last month? She's clearly the best "

"No way! An angel and a demon?! Are you mad?" Another angel answered back.

"Right?" Gabriel said. "Besides, that human brought that weird human sustenance that she likes so much."

"That's nothing! The first female and her talked wonders about literature! It's like the two's minds were one." Another angel cut in.

And thus, Heaven grinded to a halt to watch two traitors.

**And the scene slips away**

**To the eveness, I fake**

When the click of Aziraphale's heels came clacking louder, Crowley hurried to transform back into a human form. She barely plopped back down on her spot on the couch when Aziraphale walked up. She looked around for a bit and then sighed.

"Again, Crowley?" She asked evenly.

"Don't know what you're talking about." Crowley answered, looking anywhere but the angel,

Aziraphale rolled her eyes. "What ever shall I do with you?" She scolded, though she didn't seem upset over the loss.

"Lunch?" Crowley tried. Aziraphale smiled.

"Sounds heavenly. You're buying though."

******************************************************************************

"Woo, go Crowley!" Someone called from the crowd. The angels frowned and collectively turned to the commenter.

A demon stood there, engrossed with the projection. They weren't even trying to hide; they had their dirtied uniform, yellowed talons, and gray skin with open claw marks fully on display. For God's sake, they even had a raven perched on their shoulder.

After the initial shock, Gabriel stepped up. "What business do you have here, foul beast?" He demanded. The demon jumped and blinked as they just realized where they were. They rushed to pat down their pockets, trembling just a little as they pulled out a badge.

"I'm a messenger for Hell, see? Alastor." He pocketed the badge before searching through his pockets again.

"Well? What message do you have for us?"

"Um...It was around here somewhere."

"I have a copy!" Someone else cut in. The angels separated again to reveal another demon, this one blue as if she had frozen to death. She walked up and presented the note to Gabriel in her frosted fingertips.

Gabriel's eyes widened. "Exactly, how many demons are in here right now?"

**It's a cheat somewhere**

**Because I don't really want you girl.**

At least, that's what Crowley told herself as Aziraphale attracted yet another human. Of course, Aziraphale would befriend the charming, young man that ran the ice cream stand in the park. Of course, the young man would look her over and decide to shoot his shot.

"Oh, Ms. Fell." The guy smiled as he started scooping vanilla ice cream into a cone. "I've been meaning to ask you. Did it hurt when-"

"I fell for you? No, actually. I find attraction to be a rather enjoyable thing to fall into." Aziraphale said with a quick zeal that made her seem prepared if a bit poorly timed. Still, the man looked delighted.

"Ms. Fell, I've seen you around and I've been wondering-"

Then, Crowley moved behind Aziraphale, giving him a poorly concealed glare from behind her glasses. She put a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder and gave her a toothy smile. Aziraphale's face lit up, looking up at her.

"I'm thinking of switching things up. Any flavors you suggest, angel?" Crowley asked, pretending to peruse the choices. Out of the corner of her eye, he watched the ice cream man deflate before her eyes.

"Well, you can't go wrong with a nice sherbet, dear."

"Ooo, I'll have that then." Crowley gave a toothy smile at the ice cream man. The poor guy silently went about gathering their order. Rather quickly, Crowley might add.

The two walked off with their ice cream. Crowley may or may not have slotted herself closer to Aziraphale as they walked and ate. Just to make sure the man got the point.

"You didn't have to do that, you know?" Aziraphale asked as casual as if she asked about the day.

"Still don't know what you're talking about, angel."

Crowley shoved her a spoonful of orange sherbet into her mouth. Aziraphale was right. The tangy treat was absolutely lovely, but it didn't wash away the bitter taste in her mouth.

Crowley absolutely did not know what she was talking about, because she absolutely did not want Aziraphale. At least, that's how Crowley reasoned it. She was just having some demonic fun. It was definitely not, because Crowley wanted Aziraphale. She absolutely did not.

And, it was definitely not the other way around that made her heart sink.

************************************************************

**But you can't be free**

**Because I'm selfish, I'm obscene**

The admirers kept pouring in, each lavishing more and more annoying attention onto Aziraphalr right in front of Crowley. And each rime, Crowley managed to scare them away. It got to a point where Aziraphale doesn't even look surprised, hell, almost like she'd expecting it, yet she'd move on to the next person that called upon her. 

It was a selfish impulse to want to be the only person to have Aziraphale's eye. She'd probably feel worse about it had it not been for the fact that Aziraphale never really seemed that let down by the whole mess. She seemed to shake it off rather well for someone who just lost out on a date. Almost too well.

***********************************************

Meanwhile, Heaven erupted into a particularly scalding argument over the projection. Chants of Team Crowley, Team Human of the Week, and such could be heard echoing off its cavernous office walls. It came to a breaking point when the angels started to separate themselves into groups, using a miracle to add team buttons to their uniforms. 

What was really surprising is that Team Duck seemed to be growing traction. The demons managed to persuade quite a few angels onto their side of the argument despite some angels' feverous opposition, causing quite a few to walk around with bright yellow buttons on their lapels.

**I get a little bit Genghis Khan**

**Don't want you to get it on**

**With nobody else but me. Oh.**

**With nobody else but me.**

The habit lead to a lot of rather unangelic behavior: name calling, taunting, excluding once friends, and near brawls over a matter of opinion. It was really only a matter of time before an even more divine light washed over Heaven. Everyone froze in awe of its blinding beauty.

Gabriel, slack jawed, was the first to recover.

"God?!" He uttered out.

"Hello, my children." God answered. There's a low crunching noise that filled the air.

"How...Why are you here, Lord?" Gabriel stammered out. 

"Oh, I just wanted you all to keep it down, please." More crunching noises filled the air. "I've been waiting over 6,000 years for this moment I'd rather it not ruined by having to deal with the inner collapse of Heaven in the same year.

"Wait, this moment? So, that means-"

"Aziraphale is going to finally hook up with a human?" One angel asked.

"Don't be daft. She'll take up with a duck!"

God only hummed, crunching more of her unseeable snack. "All shall be revealed in time, my children." She assured her children. However, arguments continued to erupt. She sighed. "If you all stop. I swear I created the universe, and I can halt it just as quickly."

That quicked the crowd, setting themselves watching the projection like good angels and demons.

**I want to make up my mind**

**But I don't know myself**

**No I don't know myself**

The final straw for Crowley had happened at a nice little hole in the wall pub. Crowley and Aziraphale had gone out for drinks for once, and everything was going fine. They drank away right at the bar. Then just when Crowley was building up a buzz, some drunk woman decided to sidle up to the seat next to Aziraphale and chat her up, sliding in badly concealed innuendo into every other sentence. As usual, Aziraphale matched her each innuendo. 

Crowley didn't know what it was, the alcohol or her fraying feeling, but she was suddenly tired of this game. So tired of her emotions being played like fiddle. So, she ordered another glass of whiskey from the bartender, keeping her eyes trained on the bartender. Away from all the slurred giggles and flirty smiles.

**I want to make up my mind**

**But I don't know myself**

**No, I don't know myself**

Crowley caught a glance out of her eye by accident as she downed her glass, Aziraphale leveling an expectant look her way. When Crowley turned, it was gone, her glaze directed right back at the drunken woman. Crowley ordered another whiskey.

Crowley caught the look again when she watched the bartender, her sunglasses allowing her to stare inconspiciously. The infatuated fun that graced Aziraphale's face seemed to melt away as she looked at Crowley, leaving a confused look in its wake. Almost as if she was waiting for Crowley.

Aziraphale let out a squeak and a jump as fingers wrapped around her shoulder. She turned around, giving the woman an apology. The woman laughed it off, shook her head, and then leaned closer to Aziraphale. Aziraphale inched herself back in her chair, aiming an almost begging look over her shoulder at Crowley. 

Oh, so that was her game. 

The bartender placed her fresh glass in front of her. Crowley downed it before slammig it into the bar and standing up. She left out the front door in a huff.

**I want to make up my mind**

**But I don't know myself**

**No, I don't know myself**

"Crowley, wait!" came almost immediately after her. Crowley let out a frustrated huff, stomping further down the street. When she heard Aziraphale's flats clicking closer, she took a sharp turn down a nearby alleyway. Aziraphale followed after her, so Crowley took the chance to grab ahold of Aziraphale's blazer. In one sharp move, she hoisted Aziraphale up and pressed her aginst the wall.

"What kind of game are you playing at, angel?" She hissed.

"Same one you're playing, I thought." Aziraphale said, her eyes widened in surprise. 

"Well, would you make your mind already then? You're driving me crazy!" Crowley snapped. 

"Me? However am I making you crazy, dear?" Aziraphale asked innocently enough, but the look on her face betrayed that she knew more than she let on. Aziraphale raised an infuriating eyebrow. "Well?"

Crowley growled, her temper rising at it. "Because, I love you, you idiotic angel. Don't you understand that by now? You can't just keep flirting with humans and then look at me like that. Like I'm the bleeding light of your life or something! It's really trying my nerves, angel."

"Oh dear." was all Aziraphale had to say at first. Crowley was about to go off again when Aziraphale's hands shot up to cradle Crowley's cheeks. "I never planned to keep this up, darling." She smiled. 

"Wait, what-"

"You're really cute when you're jealous, Crowley. Did anyone ever tell you that?" Aziraphale asked. Crowley faltered for a moment, her mind rushing to process what was said. 

"...You're an absolute bastard." Crowley said. 

"And, you're as sweet as toffee, my dear." Aziraphale smiled teasingly before bringing Crowley in for a kiss. Crowley shook her away before diving in herself, smashing their lips together with a vicious hunger Crowley lead and Aziraphale stood compliant to. 

**I get a little bit Genghis Khan**

**Don't want you to get it on**

**With nobody else but me**

**With nobody else but me**

In Heaven, the Crowley supporters rejoiced, letting out a series of cheers and teasing at the others. The angels and demons who supported other sides stood outraged by the outcome, some leaving in a fit of disappointment or arguing as if that would make a difference. But after a time, each angel and demon slowly moved back to their original posts and got back to work. 

God, however, watched with the satisfaction of a job well done as her creations fufilled her design. 

**I get a little bit Genghis Khan**

**Don't want you to get it on**

**With nobody else but me**

**With nobody else but me**

Crowley and Aziraphale walked back into the bookshop with drunken glee, stopping ever so often to kiss each other with the fevor of someone discovering true love for the first time. Later on, Crowley would suggest putting on music which would lead to dancing around the neat stacks of books lining the store floor until the sun peaked out from horizon. 

Aziraphale would offer Crowley to stay the night, leading Crowley to pass out curled around Aziraphale in bed as Aziraphale started on her one hundred and fifth read through of 1000 Leagues Under The Sea.

But for now, they had the darkened streets of the new world ahead of them.

**Author's Note:**

> had a little trouble on my other good omens fic so I thought id start this
> 
> Feedback is welcome!
> 
> Note 8/12/2017: Now complete and one whole fic!


End file.
